What exactly I need in my life?

So long didn't post anything to my blog.. Damn miss you blogger.. You are my place share what inside my heart.. These few month i not write anything in here.. Many things happen and i just keep it deep inside my heart until it become full and one day it will explode.. Hard to write it in here because too many things happen and it was uncounted.. All i can say.. What exactly i need in my life?..

I was stuck in the middle and it make me so hard to breathe and feels like want to DIE.. But i know.. Everything that comes to me has it own reason.. Maybe the tested that GOD had been gave to me has it own happy ending.. I hope so.. Really really hope so.. I love both.. And I know they loved me.. But they both never gave me a chances to create my own destiny..